i was advised not to heal too fast. have you ever seen me do anything slowly? i mean, really slowly. i have never been here before. i had surgery almost 3 weeks ago and my brain can barely remember what it was like to be in the hospital. i can be poked in my upper leg now, but you look at my knee wrong and it jumps. and my achilles tendon seizes when i flex my foot. i know i can do this. i know i can get better.

it’s hard for me to see the progress. not because i don’t want to, but i’m not an impartial observer. i have expectations and baggage.

i feel a little lost. like this isn’t me. i go outside just to remember that there are millions of people out in the world who have their own joy, pain, and progress.

i can tell you that my life was scarier when i didn’t know what was going on, when i didn’t have hope, and when i pushed my life away.

amongst all of this confusion and trauma, how do you know when you’re better?