all my life, ever since childhood, i’ve put colors in a rainbow or from light to dark or in some kind of order. i color in a pattern, according to some kind of innate schedule. i try to be random, but order exerts itself time and time again. i fight it. i fail. today, i put my colored pencils away with my eyes closed. i felt for the last pencil. i felt for the last slot in the cloth wrapper. lavender, spring green, purple, blue, salmon, red, orange, crimson, black, light blue, sky blue, mint green, yellow-orange, lemon yellow, brown, white, dark green, grey, navy, dark brown, cerulean blue, pink, light green, forest green.